Useless. That’s how my sin makes me feel. Useless. The deep despair in my soul as the darkness grows and the still quiet voice inside me saying – useless. The squandering of my past, the reality of my present and the dim view of my future all leaves me with the feeling of being useless.
And yet, God intervenes. His glory reigns. The power of the Cross – ever before me – a vivid reminder of the utter pain and suffering of Jesus. The blood and water dripping from his side; his hands and feet pierced for my iniquities. The pain of the crown of thorns tearing through the skin of his brow. Oh, the terrible cost of my sin. Jesus paid it all!
As I kneel at the cross, looking up, I see my saviour looking down upon me. The shame and guilt tearing through my soul. Oh how could I have caused such an innocent man to bear my sin. And yet, through his pain and suffering and ultimate death looking down at me through the ages of time, Jesus says, “this blood is for you.”
I plead Psalm 51.
1 Have mercy on me, O God,
according to your steadfast love;
according to your abundant mercy
blot out my transgressions.
2 Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity,
and cleanse me from my sin!
3 For I know my transgressions,
and my sin is ever before me.
4 Against you, you only, have I sinned
and done what is evil in your sight,
so that you may be justified in your words
and blameless in your judgment.
5Behold, I was brought forth in iniquity,
and in sin did my mother conceive me.
6Behold, you delight in truth in the inward being,
and you teach me wisdom in the secret heart.
7Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean;
wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.
8Let me hear joy and gladness;
let the bones that you have broken rejoice.
9 Hide your face from my sins,
and blot out all my iniquities.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God,
and renew a right spirit within me.
11 Cast me not away from your presence,
and take not your Holy Spirit from me.
12Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and uphold me with a willing spirit.
13Then I will teach transgressors your ways,
and sinners will return to you.
14Deliver me from blood guiltiness, O God,
O God of my salvation,
and my tongue will sing aloud of your righteousness.
15O Lord, open my lips,
and my mouth will declare your praise.
16 For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it;
you will not be pleased with a burnt offering.
17The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise.
18 Do good to Zion in your good pleasure;
build up the walls of Jerusalem;
19then will you delight in right sacrifices,
in burnt offerings and whole burnt offerings;
then bulls will be offered on your altar.
God’s magnificent grace and mercy poured out on me through His Son. The perfect sacrifice. The brightness of His glory piercing the darkness of my soul. His mercy and steadfast love lifting me out of the utter despair. My eyes firmly fixed on Jesus.
“Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! I have been set free, and I am free indeed!
The darkness has lifted; my iniquities forgiven. The power of the cross is my past, present and my glorious future. I sing aloud the righteousness of God’s glory and love. My sins cleansed. I am no longer useless. The joy of my salvation restored. I sing praises. I am filled with the Holy Spirit. Oh, the power of the cross!
Alētheia: Truth 